Hanging on by a Thread
by Dimples
Summary: Andy's PoV right after he dies. He's in heaven, but doesn't realize it until later. He talks about Prue, and how much he'd like to see her just one more time. Fifth in my songfic series. To "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling.


Hanging On By A Thread

Songfic to "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling

_So lately, been wond'ring_

_Who will be there to take my place_

            I don't know where I am. It's bright here, brighter than I ever thought any one place could be. There are a lot of people who don't seem to mind being blinded daily from the glare. No one has spoken to me yet, even though I'm wandering around here looking severely lost, and no one seems to want to speak to each other, either. It's too quiet here, so I get lost in my thoughts, trying hard to think about how I got here. 

            I remember the Manor, and Rodrieguez, that bastard. He was there… so was Prue. She was in the way, I didn't want her to get hurt, so I jumped in front of her. I was hit with something, something that burned me from the inside out and threw me into the air. That how I ended up here, wherever here is. 

_When I'm gone, you'll need love_

_To light the shadows on your face_

            It's all coming back now. Prue had told me to stay away. She told me that she loved me, but it wasn't safe.

            She was right.

            I was stupid, I thought I could protect her better than she could protect herself. She's got those damned powers for Chrissake! All I have- had - was that stupid little gun. Like that would do anything on whatever they were fighting. I was pigheaded, determined to be her knight in shining armor. I was going to save the day whether she wanted me to or not, and look what happened. I left her alone, I left her without saying goodbye, without telling her that I loved her too. More than she would ever know, I loved her. 

_If a great wave shall fall _

_And fall upon us all_

_Then between the sand and stone_

_Could you make it on your own?_

            They speak to me now, and I understand what's happened now. I know that I'm dead, I know that I can't do anything for Prue now. I left her alone. I miss her already, even though it can't have been more than a day since I came here. It confuses me that I keep seeing all these things happening around me, people appearing in a haze of blue light, others wandering around in robes. Some look like me, lost and confused. But they just ignore me. Some follow the ones in the robes, but everyone is so quiet here. It's like a giant library, and if you speak too loudly, the godly librarian will kick you out of heaven. 

            Prue is a strong girl, right? She'll be okay without me, right? I'm not sure of anything anymore, but I am sure that I feel like I left things so unfinished with us. It just stopped, hanging by a single thread that we had connected between each other when we first met. I remember her as a scrawny little kid, lanky and beautiful in high school. I remember how he dated, the head cheerleader and the high school football player. It seemed like the thing to do, the typical stereotypes that come with school. But it didn't work out. Years later we were back where we started: hanging on by a thread. 

_If I could, then I would_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

_Way up high, or down low_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

            I think that I thought about Prue everyday when we weren't together. She was always on my mind. She seemed like the perfect person, perfect for me anyway. We fit, like a puzzle. Take her away, and the puzzle could never be finished. I felt incomplete, even after I got married. I think that's what drove my wife and I apart. I never had my mind on her, and she knew it. It was just a convenience for me to be married, only pay half the rent, half the bills, half of everything. The thing was, I'd rather have paid my entire life's savings, everything I had, than live without Prue. I guess that it's too late to tell her that, and I admit that I was stupid for turning away from her when she confiding in me, but at least I had her for a while. At least she let me into her life for a little while.

_And maybe, I'll find out_

_A way to make it back someday_

_To watch you, to guide you_

_Through the darkest of your days_

            I'm not afraid for her, it's just that sometimes I wonder if she misses me as much as I miss her. It's like I have this giant hole in my heart where she used to be. Even though I know I'm dead, I can still love someone, right? It just seems weird. You're supposed to happy forever in heaven, and here I am, complaining about how much I miss her. I used to think that heaven was whatever you wanted it to be. It could be your very own paradise, where you never wanted for anything, or it could be the repetition of the best time of your life over and over again for eternity. Either way, heaven just wouldn't be the same without Prue. My time with her could repeat over and over again, even the fights and the harsh words, and it would make me happy everlastingly.

_If a great wave shall fall_

_And fall upon us all _

_I hope there's someone out there who_

_Could bring me back to you_

_            Every once in a while I get these flashes. I see her, small pictures of her with her sisters or when she's at Buckland's. The pictures aren't very clear, but her eyes are like crystal, and that's all I need to see. I can see that she's hurt, and that she feels like I do. But it only makes me want to be with her more. If there is a God, then he would find a way for me to be with her again. Somehow, whenever, wherever. I can wait, just not for eternity. I only want to see her once more and then I could wait, as long as it takes to have her back with me, here in my arms. I know what I'd say. I'd tell her that I love her, and that it was my own fault that I died. My own stupid pride made me show up at her house that day, and I had to pay the price for it. I just never thought that she would also. I'd say that she has to move on, that she's got to find someone who can love her more than I did, someone who will be there when she needs him, and when she __doesn't. Someone who'll listen better than I did. _

_If I could, then I would_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

_Way up high or down low_

_I'll go wherever you will go. _

_Runaway with my heart_

_Runaway with my heart_

_Runaway with my love_

            So, here I sit, here I wait. If God decides that I deserve to be with her again, then I'll see her again some day. I can live- I can wait to see if he'll make it so. I pray that she lives the long life she's entitled to, and that she does find the man for her. I pray that she doesn't forget me, and that she knows I'll wait for her forever. I pray that she'll find it in her heart to forgive me, and that maybe one day, _she'll pray to be with me again. Until then I'll wait for her, here, alone, hanging on by a thread._

_I know now, just quite how_

_My life and love will still go on_

_In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time_

_If I could, then I would_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

_Way up high, or down low_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

_I'll go wherever you will go_

Fin


End file.
